I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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