is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
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and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
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I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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