I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
