I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
