Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
