also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
