I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We left the knife in your bed.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
