All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
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oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
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When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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