i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
