Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
