I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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