I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
