Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
