Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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