just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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