the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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