I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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