I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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