The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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