I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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