We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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