i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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