i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
