i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
