Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
