while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
