I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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