you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
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Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
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I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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