You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
