you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
