Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize