dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
