He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
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it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
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How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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