Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
