Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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