Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
