i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We need a shit load of segways right now
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize