Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
