Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She's the barista slut.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
