Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
