What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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