So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
