This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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