I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
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Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
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I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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