mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
