So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Randomize
