I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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