Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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