A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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