Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
