I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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