He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
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As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I won't apologize to a one balled man
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
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Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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