There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
