My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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