Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
