Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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