If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
This house was built for laser tag.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
