I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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