just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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