i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
