Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
