he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize