okay pat passed out under dana's car
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
