Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
