Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
