All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
