You really coming over, don't trick.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
