Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
