i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I puked a lego.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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