hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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