Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
