i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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