Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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