I wish I could punch you in the face.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I did not marry a roomba.
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