Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
