I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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