you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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