You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
