He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
