I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
