3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
