If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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